Coming Out

The news has been rife lately with stories of young LGBT people killed in acts of violence, or by their own hand in the midst of fear or despair. As this is National Coming Out Day, maybe we can double our efforts to make this a safer world where people can come out.

It was almost 30 years ago that I told my parents I was gay. I remember how frightened I was, not because my parents were close-minded or cruel. I was scared because I thought I knew the life they wanted for me, and I was about to tell them I would be choosing a very different path to happiness. I didn’t know how they would take the news. I guess I had to prepare myself for the possibility that they would disown me. It didn’t seem likely, but it had happened to many of my peers.

I took a boyfriend, Mike, to stay at my gay Uncle Ralph’s house for the weekend. Uncle Ralph lived about 3 miles from my parents’ house, and I had not planned to see them during that trip. While out to dinner at a restaurant in Palm Desert, we just happened to bump into my parents. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted. What are the chances? So I made up some excuse about being in the desert for a meeting and promised I would call the parents the next day.

Six months later, I had a new boyfriend, Perry. I know- if you called me a slut you wouldn’t be the first.

I took Perry to Uncle Ralph’s for the weekend and we were having a nice relaxing time, sitting by the pool, enjoying each other’s company- when my parents stopped by. Uncle Ralph greeted them in the driveway and escorted them to a little table poolside. I cowered in the kitchen and tried to figure out what I was going to say. Perry put his arm around my shoulders and said something very loving and supportive. I don’t remember what it was he said, but I remember my teeth were chattering and my hands were shaking.

Finally, we all sat down together. I told my parents I wasn’t trying to avoid them and that I had come here with a boyfriend. My mom observed that even animals in the natural world sometimes mate with the same gender. My dad was curious about how the physical mechanics work for two men. I told him I’d send him a book. We embraced and then Uncle Ralph brought us some lunch. Later that same week my mom asked me on the phone how I had met such a nice man. I told her the truth; I picked him up at a church event.