Three Weddings

Three Weddings

Tom and I come from people with long marriages. My parents were married for 55 years before Dad died, and Tom's parents were married for 60. So it seemed only natural when we fell in love in the 1980’s to get married.

Our first wedding took place in the sunken garden behind the courthouse in Santa Barbara. It was just the two of us. Tom and I had gone into a little jewelry store on State Street called The Family Jewels. No kidding. That's what it said on the window: The Family Jewels. We bought two gold bands. Nothing fancy. Just two respectable gold bands. We gave them to each other that very afternoon saying something like: “I promise to be yours”.

The next time we got married was in 1993, during the LGBT March on Washington. We put on our ties and blazers and joined another thousand couples in front of the Treasury Building. There, Troy Perry, of the Metropolitan Community Church, said some words over a scratchy PA system and we agreed and exchanged rings again. A local TV station thought we looked interesting and interviewed us for their evening news. Of course, they also interviewed the two bearded men in wedding dresses standing near us. I can only guess which interview made the broadcast.

Our third wedding took place during that window of opportunity in 2008 when California issued wedding licenses to 18,000 same-sex couples. Our friends, Jim and Patrick, hosted the event in their home. 100 of our nearest and dearest gathered to watch us exchange those same gold bands, cry a little and eat cake. My 85-year-old mother was there and Tom’s mom, blind with macular degeneration, listened on the phone from her home in Florida. Our friend Carl, a Presbyterian minister, officiated. Our friend Arvid, a Unitarian minister, gave a blessing. It was a wonderful day.

Between our second and third weddings I was diagnosed with primary progressive MS, and over the years Tom has picked up more responsibilities as I have become more disabled. He now gets me in and out of bed, on and off the toilet and does the hundred little things that make a household function. For better for worse, in sickness and in health. Some people claim that gay marriage is bad for the institution. I can’t see their point. You be the judge.